


The Taste

by godcomplexfics (godtiercomplex)



Series: dysfunctional family funtimes [16]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 08:11:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9712826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godtiercomplex/pseuds/godcomplexfics
Summary: Shuu’s turning 30 and he’d like nothing more than to celebrate it with Haise. Haise has other concerns.In which; Shuu realizes that he loves Haise and is no longer obsessed with him, while Haise is preparing his thesis presentation and doesn’t have time for this whole newfound love.





	

**Author's Note:**

> And here we go with Shuu lessening his stalker trashness. Finally.
> 
> This fic takes place in 2011 if you want a point of reference!

Shuu is due to turn 30 when he realizes that he has spent the last seven years not truly understanding what love was. He had made Haise into his everything, his ideal of a man and told himself that he was in love with him. Now he realizes that he drove himself crazy for years, trying to make his fantasy match up to the reality that Haise did not love him back. Even still, Haise never told him that he couldn’t love him. Yet, Shuu had spent all those years in fear that one day Haise would call it quits. It had literally driven him crazy, made him act crazy and desperate. He had been paranoid, unable to enjoy fully what he had out of fear.

Now that he realizes that Haise is not going to call it quits. That the time for this to end was a long time ago, and he has spent the last seven years loving a man who will never say ‘I love you’ back to him. He realizes he will spend the rest of his life like this.  Before he was fine with that, but now he is no longer okay with never hearing ‘I love you’ from the man he loves. The difference between how he used to be and how he is now is clear. Before, he didn’t care about Haise’s feelings, had been okay to be obsessed with him without regard for how Haise felt about it. Now, he cares. He cares so much about how Haise feels that it hurts. It’s a fierce pain in his heart as he realizes that he’s still not trusted. After Saiko had been kidnapped, and he had done all he could to find her, Haise had shown him what life could be like if they had trust in their relationship. He had won Haise’s gratitude, but he doesn’t want his gratitude. He wants Haise’s trust, Haise’s love.

 

xxx

 

“I love you,” he says to Haise when they are grocery shopping and Haise hands him peas. Haise just moves on and hands him carrots.

“I love you,” he says when he is helping unload the car, and Haise barely pauses before telling him to grab another bag.

“I love you,” he says as he watches Haise cook, this time knowing that he will be allowed to eat with the rest of the family. Haise just hmms at him and keeps on preparing beef to fry.

“I love you,” he says when they’re going to bed, and Haise just tells him to turn off the light so he can sleep.

Haise doesn’t even realize that Shuu spends the majority of the week at his house. His clothes are in Haise’s room and the dresser and the closet are neatly divided into Haise’s clothes and Shuu’s clothes. Haise just ignores all of that, much like he carefully ignores Shuu at times. But Shuu wants him to think about it. He wants him to think about their cohabitation, and about how interwoven he has become with the entire family outside of just him and Haise. He wants that acknowledgement so badly it hurts.

 

xxx

 

“Don’t go over for a week,” Chie says, “Don’t call him, don’t text him, just disappear for a week. See what happens.”

Chie’s advice is horrible, as she is generally a horrible person. Shuu forgave her for telling Haise that he cheated on him, because that’s what you did with your friends. Of course, he broke her camera first in revenge. But then after that it was business as usual between them.

It’s horrible advice, but he listens to her. He leaves on Sunday morning, and doesn’t contact Haise the entire day. Normally he would send him small messages throughout the day to check in on him, but now he does not.

By the time Wednesday comes, he’s curled up in his apartment’s bedroom and staring at the walls. By the time Thursday night comes, he’s crying his heart out. He means nothing to Haise at all, nothing at all. He was an idiot to think otherwise, after all this time.

 

xxx

 

Friday he gets a text from Haise that simply says, _I hope the shoot is going well._ Which is Haisese for _I just realized I haven’t heard from you in a while._ Shuu feels something like hope.

Haise divides his life neatly into categories. He has his family who he considers essential and a few friends who fall into that box as well. He has his other friends who are important, and more people who are outside of his boxes but still valuable, but just not to Haise. And then there is Shuu. Shuu has forced his way into Haise’s space, and refuses to leave.  He wonders if Haise could ever consider him valuable, an essential part of his life. He knows that if he wants that to become reality, he has to change.

 

xxx

 

“Here, love,” Shuu says and hands Haise a mug of coffee as he is camped out in the living room. Haise says he can’t think in his study, and needs the chaos of the household around him in order to write his thesis. Haise goes to accept the cup, and then frowns up at Shuu.

“No--”

“All I did was carry it from the kitchen, Tooru made it.”

Haise looks at him, and he knows that he will never regain his trust so he sighs and drinks the coffee himself. Haise stands up and goes to get his own cup.  It shouldn’t hurt, but it does. Shuu sighs and settles on the couch, and allows himself to be talked into playing Wii Party for Saiko’s youtube channel. He does this even though he knows his face will be blurred out, and his voice disguised.

This should annoy him, but he knows why she does it. She wants the focus to be on her, and not famous relatives. So, he plays along and doesn’t bother Haise as he works. Soon enough, the kids are saying goodnight, and he helps Tooru shut down the house around Haise. When Tooru’s gone to bed, and Saiko’s locked herself upstairs in her room with her 3DS, he turns to Haise.

“Time for bed, darling.”

Haise is confused as he looks around and sees that all of the kids and electronics have already been put away without his help. Shuu kisses his forehead, and urges him to put away his thesis materials in his office and come to bed. Haise complies, and they get ready for bed together.

It hurts, these little acts of domesticity are starting to become the nails in his coffin because when he says “Goodnight, I love you,” Haise says nothing back once more. He lays awake for hours, able to tell when Haise slips from one type of sleep to another by his breaths, and the heart beating underneath his cheek. At one point, he had wanted to climb into Haise’s skin so they would always be together. Now, he wants nothing more than to hear “I love you” in return.

He doesn’t know what to do.

 

xxx

 

Shuu’s watching Haise cook breakfast when he idly notices that his birthday is on the family calendar and he isn’t the one who put it on there. There’s more stuff on the calendar but he focuses on March 3rd, and his name in black ink. He figures that Tooru must have done it. Tooru is, after all, Haise’s little helper, keeping track of family occurrences and events. It eases the pressure in Shuu’s heart just a bit more to see it there.

He doesn’t mention it as Haise slides a plate towards him before sitting down next to his computer. The children all wander downstairs, half dressed for school and half awake at that. They eat and then leave for class. Shuu eats, and leaves for a shoot, instructing Haise to not live on coffee while he’s gone.

Haise just accepts his advice with a short sigh, and accepts his kiss goodbye with a shorter sigh. When he’s leaving, Haise is frowned up, staring at his laptop with serious concentration. The sight stays with Shuu and gets him through the day.

 

xxx

 

“Well,” Hinami says when they run into each other outside of Haise’s favorite cafe, “You look happy.”

“I am always happy, my dear.”

“Not always, but recently you’ve been more happy,” Hinami smiles at him, “Are things going well with Sasaki-san?”

“Extremely well,” he cannot help but to boast a bit. Chie is getting testy in the car, so he waves goodbye to Hinami after they discuss meeting up soon to talk more about just how well things are going. Hinami had given up on her quest to hook him up with people soon after she thought it up, and now focuses on making sure that his and Haise’s relationship isn’t destroying either of them.

“Boundaries are important in any relationship,” she had said, “So you should stop following him around and lying in wait for him.” She had advised that a few years ago, and he had taken the advice to heart. Now if he wants to know where Haise is, he merely texts him. Now, Chie no longer has his non-verbal permission to casually stalk Haise like she had years ago. It’s working thus far. Haise texts him back more often than not, unless his question is something that’s silly like ‘what are you wearing.'

Now, before he goes to do a shoot he texts Haise to “Please eat something more than coffee,” and gets a quick reply of “Okay.”

 

xxx

 

When he gets home, the boys are doing their schoolwork, and Saiko is playing video games. He asks where her homework is, and she tells him that he’s not her dad. He knows he isn’t her father, but he cares about her. Oddly enough he cares, and she doesn’t and that hurts. He doesn’t know why he cares, can’t put a label on it, but he does.

He gives up arguing with her, and goes into the kitchen where Haise’s typing away with headphones on. There’s a half finished sandwich next to him, so Shuu doesn’t grumble too much when he lifts Haise’s headphones and says, “Our daughter is a menace.”

“What?” Haise looks dazed, and then frowns, “Saiko is not a menace.”

“She is playing video games and not doing her homework. She called me all sorts of horrible things in French. Miss Laurie is a terrible influence for teaching her those things because I didn’t.”

“Miss Laurie is a saint,” Haise says slowly, “Also, stop fighting with a seventeen-year-old if all you’re going to do is complain when you lose.”

“Haise, Saiko is supposed to be graduating next spring. Have you ever even seen her pick up a textbook? I am expressing concern that she might not be graduating!”

Haise sighs, “I do not have time for this. Do whatever you want.”

Shuu sighs, and then tells Saiko that her Maman has left orders for her to do her schoolwork. Saiko protests, but then Tooru reminds her that finals are coming up and she’ll need to study eventually. She gives in. Shuu feels satisfied at that.

When he goes back into the kitchen, he notices that Haise’s coffee mug is emptied, so he refills it. Shuu then waits to see what Haise will do.

Haise takes a sip, frowns, and then adds two sugar cubes to it and stirs before taking another sip.

“I didn’t know you took two sugars in your coffee,” Shuu says in a slight daze. Haise sighs.

“Well now you know. Can you pull out the beef for dinner tonight?”

Shuu does so, and then when Haise says “Thank you,” he comes to yet another realization. He might not be loved yet, but he’s not hated anymore. He’s gained some trust. And that’s good enough for now.


End file.
